#We all love Tina and the Spanish community loves her too

[royalarchivist]

Shadoune avenged Tina today by killing the super toxic streamer who eliminated her yesterday! Man was on a MISSION

[whenmemorydies]

Preliminary thoughts on The Bear, race, power and privilege

I’m a non-Black woman of colour who has spent all of my life in the west…so I’ve consumed a lot of television media that is produced by and for the white gaze. The most obvious way that gaze plays out is when people of colour are non-existent in a cast, or when they are included, are tokenistic, bit players.

A more insidious manifestation is where POC are cast to play parts that could just as easily be played by white folks: characters that have no interiority or external relationships related to their cultural identities, wider communities or individual or collective histories (for example, Mindy in The Mindy Project for most of its run, or the characters of colour in Season 1 of Bridgerton).

I've had some thoughts about how The Bear (thankfully) avoids tokenistic and "colour-blind" representation. I also have some thoughts about how the show models meaningful allyship. I'm so keen to discuss this with folks and hear what others think about it too.

Unambiguous and unapologetic

The Bear is confined in its universe, particularly in season 1 where it’s focus is tightly bound to the physical location of The Beef as the setting for almost every scene. Episodes of The Bear are generally not very long, so time is precious (every second really does count). These factors necessarily limit how deep we can get into each character. But the show is so good at drawing on different means of communication: images, lighting, score, soundtrack, phrasing, callbacks to previous episodes, other cultural references etc, that each episode is like a jewellery box with gems waiting to be unpacked and pored over. I've said that I have started reading this show like a tarot deck because of how rich the symbolism in each episode is.

So despite the constraints of time and setting, characters of colour in this show are also so very rich in their realisation and portrayal. These characters are unambiguously and - this is important - unapologetically racialised: through language (see: Tina’s use - and occasional weaponisation lmao - of Spanish), physical appearance (see: Sydney’s two-tone braids and her stunning, prolific collection of headscarves throughout the show), culturally distinct names (see: Sydney Adamu, Ebraheim, Tina Marrero, etc), food (see: Carmy’s peace offering to Syd in ep 1x03 of Ebra’s family chicken suqaar - a popular dish in the latter character’s birth country of Somalia), etc.

GIF by @chefkids

These may seem like small and inconsequential details to some. In fact I’ve been seeing a lot of commentary from folks online saying that what they like about The Bear is that race isn’t mentioned at all on the show. But make no mistake: race is all over this thing. The examples I've given are only some of the many references to racialised histories and cultures that build out the broader fabric of multicultural Chicago here.

What is not present in The Bear is a script that is wasting time explaining the characters of colour and their rich inner and outer lives to white folks. Those things are just a given and we are invited to witness them being brought to vivid life by this cast and crew. And I am fucking here for it.

Respect and allyship

Another thing I LOVE about this show is the respect given to, and the recognition of, the experience, talent, drive and ambition of its characters of colour.

This is most obvious in the relationship between Syd and Carmy who are signalled as complementary equals in many ways. Others have written on the importance of the representation embodied by Sydney’s character and you should search out that analyses, especially when its authored by Black women. The only other thing I’d say about it is that I love Sydney’s character and I also love endgame Sydcarmy (even if it’s only hinted at in the last second of the last frame of the last ever episode lmao…I will take whatever I can get of these two 😭).

I also see the show’s respect and recognition manifest in The Bear's investment in its staff, particularly in season 2. Everyone who worked at The Beef has a role at The Bear and Carmy, Syd and Nat fund the ongoing training and upskilling of their largely racialised staff to make sure this happens. Ebra and Tina are paid to attend culinary school (Carmy also gives Tina his prized knife for her studies and beyond). Marcus is sent to stage in Copenhagen to develop his skills as a patissier. And then we have The Bear itself - what started as Carmy and Michael’s vision, is now the whole team’s baby, with Sydney literally being made the captain of the ship by Carmy at the end of ep 2x09.

GIF by @savagegood

Part of what was so tragic about Carmy's fridge spiral at the end of season 2 was that he didn't get to see how beautifully the team came through in a crisis. Instead we had him internalising, regressing and lamenting how he had let everyone down. This language centred Carmy as the be all and end all of The Bear (saviour vibes) when this couldn't have been further from the truth (particularly in a season where the man spent so much of his time not in the restaurant but chasing manic pixie no-last-name-having Claire....but I digress).

Carmy is his best when he checks his ego, takes a step back and realises that he is not alone. He is part of a whole chosen family supporting one another at The Bear. And I get the sense that the folks creating this show know that we need more white folks using their power and privilege to step back and facilitate access, and less gatekeeping white saviours taking credit where its not due.

After all, and paraphrasing Viola Davis, the only thing that separates people of colour from anyone else, is opportunity.

12/04/24 Note: I’ve amended this post because I forgot to mention the most pivotal example of Sydney along with her relationship with Carmy. Also made some slight stylistic changes to phrasing cos i fixate on errors lol

[1ddotdhq]

🧙‍♂️ Wed Sept 23 ‘20 🦁

Z3 Z3 Z3 Z3 Z3 HOLY SHIT Z3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, I’m not certain about an album, but we’re definitely getting a single on Friday! I’m just keeping my hopes up! Um, okay. How do I start? So at 9:30 am EST (or 2:30 pm BST, depending on where in the world he is!) Zayn dropped a teaser trailer for a new song, with the caption #better, which is the name of the song! This follows last night's movement, where he changed his Spotify header, as well as his twitter icon. I’m gonna be honest here: when I saw his new twitter profile picture, I thought it was a picture of Liam and I was SO! CONFUSED! But it’s not! It’s Zayn pulling an angsty face that Liam often pulls in HIS modeling gigs, so it looks like they have a similar bag of tricks haha! ANYWAYS, the song will drop on Friday, 9/25!!! Place your bets: will the song or the baby drop first??? 

If THAT wasn’t enough Zayn movement, he posted a SPONSORED AD for the new Harry Potter game both on Instagram AND on twitter (both at 7 am EST), and then he did a taped ad for it, too! It...looks to be some wizarding version of Candy Crush, but you know nerd!Zayn and his Harry Potter tattoo - he only had good things to say about it: “[During quarantine] I’ve been doing...music, recording, painting, but my main pastimes has been playing games, and that’s how, like, I keep in touch with my friends...you get to choose which House you want to be put in. I picked Gryffindor...so yeah, it’s really cool.” He says he likes Gryffindor because he’s always been drawn to “the hero types”. Sounds like the start of a bad rom com, doesn’t it? 

Anyways! Zayn’s not the only one that has spent his quarantine making music, painting, and gaming: LIAM went live at 8 am BST to do his promised zoom meetings with fans and announce that his rewatch show is on Saturday the 26th at 8 am BST. Oddly enough, Harry Potter (and the new game!) was a major talking point in this live. Before we get further into the discussion, the Intern would like to say that JKR is a massive TERF and I think we should be reading queer fantasy novels and uplifting the queer community rather than focusing on her worlds/making he more profit, but that discourse didn’t come up in Liam’s live, funnily enough! What did come up? Well...the online games did! Someone in the chat said: “What’s your Hogwarts House?” and Liam (love him lots) took that as an invitation to talk about the new Harry Potter games: “I’ve done a lot of those online...like, online Harry Potter games (so has Zayn!), and I always end up in either Gryffindor or Hufflepuff, but no one wants to be in Hufflepuff...I want to be a lion”. And then - and I cannot make this up - he GROWLED. Those hero types, huh? Can’t do a thing about them!  He also suggested that he do a Harry Potter watch along in his next live, and guys, it takes me long enough to get through his lives taking notes NOW, MY HANDS WILL NOT SURVIVE A TWO HOUR LIVE. 

Other fun moments from the live show included his reveal (slip?) that he did not live with Maya! When asked what his morning routine was, he said it was “to get up in the biggest mood ever and then hope he has an hour to himself before he sees anyone”. But? That would almost CERTAINLY not be the case if you had a live in girlfriend! He also gave a brief reaction to Harry’s Calm story, and had a bant with Conor (his cameraman) about it (“Imagine you’re in the tour bus,” Conor said. “Shut UP! You’re RuInINg it for ME.”). Also, the chat told Liam to tell Niall to “strip that down”, to which Liam replied: “Niall’s been stripping it down a lot at the moment! he’s been stripping it down a lot! I’ve seen his Instagram stories, and I know it’s hot at the moment but the shirt has been off 24/7, which used to be my tactic.” Niall, even LIAM wants you to put a shirt on, buddy, so idk what to tell you. He also said, about Bear, that “he’s fantastic! [He’s] a sweet, lovely little boy, and I don’t know how that happened, given that he’s my son. Must get it from his mother ‘cuz it’s not from me!” He mentioned - again - doing a paint along with fans, as he’s ALSO been doing a lot of painting during quarantine. What do you think I would have to do for a joint Ziam paint along live?  And he was  unsure if “te amo” was a real thing in Spanish. Yes, Liam, it is, y te amo a ti también!! 

And, if that were a normal day, that would be it! That’s more than enough after all, but NOPE! No rest for the wicked, I guess, so on we go: 

Harry was seen shooting his music video in Italy in a white V-neck nightshirt that could be seen billowing in the wind as he ran dramatically. New pictures also show him in a long purple nightgown and a fedora, as well as driving a little speedboat (with a bright, Vespa blue interior) off of the Italian coast. As far as I can tell, his rings are not back (probably a smart choice, given the amount of handwashing he’s hopefully doing) but his pearl necklace is (love to see it!). In one of the boat pictures, he can be seen on his phone, either taking a picture or on a facetime call, but I, personally, hope he brings photographer!H back, too! Gotta tell you, and I know we said it for Watermelon Sugar, but I really hope this is a continuation of the Eroda universe - any comments @/visiteroda?  Fan reports say that his Italian is very good, and that he’s kind. Nothing new there, but always great to hear it! 

AND! In a ONE DEE DISCOURSE EXCLUSIVE: I can reveal ~exclusively~ that Nick Gordon, of yesterday’s clown car, has a TWIN BROTHER, named Nathan! Good bye Gretchen, Tina, and Eleanor and HELLO Nathan and Nick. Imagine the shenanigans that they can pull with THIS in their back pocket! The thing is - the more we learn about the situation, the less we seem to know - TMZ reports that Nick and Briana have had an on again off again relationship for the last ten years, but Nick Gordon has had a long term girlfriend for at least three of those ten years, until they broke it off last year! In fact, TMZ continued in a bemused tone, BRIANA has been seen with multiple men over the course of the last year. Guess they were VERY off, huh?

[carolineworld]

R T 🌼

I feel like I always say the same but I seriously never expect asks so it’s always a nice surprise 🥰

R - For me to tell 10 of my curiosities.: 10 curiosities about me but they get progressively sadder and depressing  :)

I am the oldest sister. I have a younger brother. We are 3 years and 33 days apart, like my dad and my uncle.

I’ve been dancing my whole life since I was three years old, until now because of college and covid.

I have lived in four different houses and in three different places in my country

I know 4 languages (Spanish, Catalan, English, and French) and I'm currently learning a fifth one (Italian)

I am very interested in fashion, jewels, and royalty and its history, besides dance, as you could tell by the stuff that I’m reblogging lately

I’m the middle grandchild. There are four cousins before and after me. I only have cousins on my mom's side and I only have a ‘relationship’ with the younger ones

TW: sexual assault/bullying. Pretty self-explanatory, but I was bullied most of my childhood and sexually assaulted by my second boyfriend

I am studying protocol, event organization, and cooperative communication. It’s my freshman year of college. It was my first option and I’m in love with it.

I love to write fanfictions and stories, but I am too self-conscious about it, and I don’t publish the majority of the stuff I write because of fear.

TW: ED. I have struggled my whole life with body dysmorphia and self-love almost felt into an eating disorder, and suffered depression the majority of my teenage years. Still fighting :)

BONUS ONE cause I want to say something happy and positive: I am a Christian. Still don’t know if Catholic or Evangelist cause I’m still trying to find my faith, or how to express it and live my faith, but I believe in the Lord in a very private and personal way.

T - 5 things I love unconditionally.: okay THANK GOD this one is a nice one.

My parents and my brother. I’m not joking, we might fight a lot, especially me and my mom, but I would die for them. They are all I have on this planet.

My grandma and my cat Tina. For college, I had to move places and my grandma let me live with her and her cat so I wouldn’t have to go live alone or in a dorm room and I’m so grateful for her. And Tina just gives me so much love.

Flowers, plants. Stupid, I know, but they all make me so happy. I sometimes see myself represented in the beauty and the metaphor or growing in plants and flowers. They bring me so much peace and I love them so much.

To dance and to write. Those are the ways I have to express how I feel or what I’m thinking, or just tell stories that I'm too afraid to say out loud. Dancing makes me feel free and writing is like traveling to a new and magical world where I am the one in control.

Crowns, pretty dresses, jewels, point shoes, makeup, shiny things, pastel colors, pearls... All the things, material things, that remind me who I am, what I like, what is my essence, and what makes me me.

BRUTAL HONESTY HOUR

[mygenderstudiesblog-blog]

The Garden Left Behind: Devastatingly Authentic and Equally Heart-Breaking

By: Tammy Tran

The Garden Left Behind, directed by Flavio Alves, and starring Carlie Guevara, is a film that follows the life of a Mexican trans woman who is struggling to make ends meet in order to build a life for herself as an undocumented immigrant living in New York City.

The movie begins as we see Tina (Carlie Guevara) traverse the dimly lit streets of New York, clearly distraught, as a vehicle filled with men hurling insults passes by. Next, the film goes back in time, to show take viewers through Tina’s daily life. We can begin to piece together that Tina has many responsibilities, working as a cab driver, and being the breadwinner for herself and her grandmother, Eliana (Miriam Cruz), who only speaks Spanish. Throughout the movie, many struggles that are endured by the transgender community prevail. Through Tina’s day to day life, her journey with activism, and her interpersonal relationships, The Garden Left Behind offers an intimate and honestly heartbreaking look into the challenges that come with this grossly marginalized group.  

What stood out to me first, was the fact that Eliana obviously loves and supports her granddaughter, however, she continues to refer to her as Antonio. It is evident that she understands Tina and who she is but it does not stop her from questioning why. Their complex relationship shows the underlying issues behind acceptance and the transgender community, even when it comes to our loved ones.

One of the prevailing issues in this film sees that Tina, who is struggling to make ends meet, must acquire the funds necessary to undergo a gender reassignment surgery. Getting this surgery was imperative to her mental health, seeing that overall quality of life is greatly diminished in transgender women who had not undergone surgical intervention (Ainsworth & Spiegel 2010). To do this, Tina had to pick up another job as a bartender and sell her car. Despite her efforts, the excessive medical costs were taking their toll. This is very obviously an obstacle for many trans people, especially in America. Drawing attention to this specific issue shows how various aspects of our social standing intersect to contribute to the oppression and privileges that we are subjected to. Tina not only had to endure the oppression related to being a transgendered woman, but she also faced restrictions due to her race, and her economic standing, and after all, “intersectional experience is greater than the sum of racism and sexism (Kaufman 2018).”

Next, through Tina’s relationship with her boyfriend Jason (Alex Cruz), more issues arise. at first, we are hinted at the fact that despite seeing each other for 2 years, the pair rarely go out in public. On the unlikely occasion that they do, Jason seems uncomfortable with the fact that Tina is transgender. This problem escalates and goes as far as seeing the two break up when Tina mentions to him that she will undergo surgical procedures to complete her transition. The concept of embarrassment is without a doubt an underlying theme to this heart-wrenching story.

Moreover, the topic of violence against trans people catalyzes Tina’s activism. A recent case involving a transgender woman gives Tina a reason to form allies in other transgender women from the same community. Together, they take on roles of activism that involve public protests, informing the public, and making announcements on various local news sources.

We see violence come up again when Tina catches the eye of Chris (Anthony Abdo), a corner store worker whom she sees regularly when purchasing various goods. Chris is undeniably attracted to Tina and lets his feelings fester. For the duration of the film, I genuinely thought that Chris’s feelings for Tina would lead to a romantic ending where the two finally get together. The moment where everyone in the theatre could collectively start to applause, and I could go home thinking about how adorable they were. Instead, the end of the film went back to the beginning and Chris is one of the men in the car, but he did not yell any profanities. He instead leaves the vehicle and beats Tina to death with a bat. After she is already unconscious, and his friends have already driven away, Chris regretfully hugs Tina’s lifeless body, clearly distraught. While Tina lays lifeless, her best friend, Carol (Tamara M. Williams), is trying to get a hold of her at a rally in support of transgender rights. The irony of Tina ultimately falling victim to what she was fighting against was not lost on me.

The Garden Left Behind offered an intimate, unadulterated look into the many struggles faced by too many and did an amazing job in doing so. The presence of transgender actors and actresses playing transgender roles added an air of authenticity that is oftentimes difficult to come by and only enhanced the movie as a whole. In her TEDTalk, Stella Young (2014), who identifies as a disabled person, speaks on the idea of turning marginalized groups into “inspiration porn.” In my own experience, I’ve seen many transgender characters in mainstream media act as exactly that, not to mention the fact that research proves they are rarely the main protagonist (Jobe 2013). It felt nice to support actors who could actually relate to the struggles faced by their respective main characters. There were undoubtedly some kinks, which included average acting, and too exaggerated characters, but none of this took away from how powerful the film was, and the long-lasting effect it unquestionably left on viewers.  

Word Count: 917

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Bibliography

Kaufman, Peter. “Intersectionality for Beginners.” Everyday Sociology Blog, 23 Apr. 2018, www.everydaysociologyblog.com/2018/04/intersectionality-for-beginners.html#more.

Jobe, Jessica N., "Transgender Representation in the Media" (2013). Honors Theses. 132. https://encompass.eku.edu/honors_theses/132

Ainsworth, Tiffiny A., and Jeffrey H. Spiegel. “Quality of Life of Individuals with and without Facial Feminization Surgery or Gender Reassignment Surgery.” Quality of Life Research, vol. 19, no. 7, Dec. 2010, pp. 1019–1024., doi:10.1007/s11136-010-9668-7.

Youg, Stella. “I’m not your inspiration, thank you very much.” YouTube, uploaded by TED, 9 June 2012, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8K9Gg164Bsw

[goodnewsjamaica]

I served in Jamaica twice, 40 years apart

New Post has been published on https://goodnewsjamaica.com/culture/i-served-in-jamaica-twice-40-years-apart/

I served in Jamaica twice, 40 years apart

I first set foot on Jamaican soil on August 1, 1976, living and working in St. Mary until June 1, 1978. I did not return to the island until 38 years later.

Ken and Mickie, Oracabessa, Jamaica 1976

Peace Corps service was the catalyst that set in motion both visits and changed the course of my life.

I first heard of the Peace Corps as a high school junior, four years after immigrating to the United States from the Dominican Republic, when my English teacher invited some young people to speak to the class about the organization. Nine years later, while working as an elementary school teacher in New York City, I made the decision to take a leave of absence and began my journey as a Peace Corps Volunteer teacher trainer in guidance and counseling in the parish of St. Mary, Jamaica.

My assignment took me to five schools, working alongside Elizabeth, my counterpart from the Ministry of Education, to conduct training workshops and help principals in traditional and “new” secondary schools to identify, recruit and train guidance counselors.

Much happened along the way. I met and married a fellow Volunteer and I had a child. After service, instead of returning to my teaching job in the city, I began life on a farm in the Finger Lakes area of New York. We had two more children. I learned to garden, freeze and can vegetables, make pies, bread, butter and jam and chase cows and pigs when they decided to take a stroll to neighbors’ farms when their grass seemed greener.

Ken, Mickie and Tina Post in Galina, Jamaica (1978)

In addition to working as an elementary school teacher in a public school, my professional life included a position as assistant dean of students of a small liberal arts college, teaching incarcerated adolescents at a juvenile detention center and teaching college-level Spanish to prisoners at a maximum security prison. I served as vice principal of our local high school and principal of two different elementary schools. I retired after more than 35 years in education.

Two things remained constant: my belief in community involvement and my desire to serve as a Peace Corps Volunteer once again.

The opportunity to volunteer again with the Peace Corps came in 2011 when my husband and I began serving in Belize. My assignment as a literacy specialist presented the opportunity to work with a group of amazingly dedicated and competent group of professionals, both Volunteers and host country nationals.

As they had growing up, our children heard details of our service and saw photos of our Peace Corps experience in Belize. They visited, met our friends and counterparts and had the opportunity to be part of my school experience. My Belizean experience included work as a Volunteer Leader, giving me a look at the tireless efforts of Peace Corps staff to ensure a positive living and work experience for Volunteers.

In September 2015, our youngest daughter became a Peace Corps Response Volunteer in Georgia. Little did I know that on July 25, 2016, 10 months into her service, I, too, would be serving as a Response Volunteer, returning to Jamaica 40 years after my initial service.

Mickie meeting with her counterpart and the school principal on the road in Jamaica (2016-17)

I have the good fortune of working with a foundation that is well-run and community-minded, and that funds creative and innovative programs. I am still working in education in an assignment takes me to 10 schools in three parishes, including my initial “home” parish of St. Mary.

I am grateful for the opportunity to return to Jamaica, the “roots” of my nuclear family. My husband, two daughters, son-in-law and grandchildren have visited the island. Our Jamaican-born daughter finally got to see the land of her birth and visit the home where we first lived and where she spent the first five months of life. Our grandchildren swam in the same pool their abuelo did so many years ago and met my counterparts, host family and Peace Corps family. They all fell in love with the island they had heard us speak of so often. We have shared pictures online of our family’s Jamaican experience and are able to answer questions posed by Jamaicans about our own lives in Jamaica during the mid-1970s.

But I have discovered so much more over the last five months.

As we passed through St. Mary, my husband Ken began listing the names of many of his 16 students at the Port Maria Training Center, where he taught agricultural machinery repair. He was there at the start, when the center consisted of a floor, no roof and students eager to learn. His first order of business was enclosing a classroom and creating makeshift desks out of cement blocks and wooden boards. He learned that the center now offers a number of trainings and is known for its auto mechanics program.

Much has changed in Jamaica over the past 40 years but there are still familiar sights and common threads that bind my Jamaican experiences then and now: the junction and coastal roads remain roads travelled by those with courage and strong stomachs, driving is still on the left and staples such as callaloo (stewed, fried or curried chicken), saltfish and ackee are still integral parts of the Jamaican diet. Goats can still be seen roaming freely. The sounds of reggae and Jamaican Patois blend with those of trucks, motorcycles and dogs.

I appreciate new friends, new counterparts and meeting educators determined to make a difference.

I am most thankful for the chance to be a Peace Corps Response Volunteer returning “home” and sharing the experience with family, bringing to life the stories they heard through the years.

By: Miguelina Cuevas-Post

Original Article Found Here

[peppurthehotone]

I was in the midst of finishing a Deepak Chopra 21-Day Abundance Meditation Challenge my friend Tanya started, when a bit of tragedy struck.

On November 29th, Matt and I were returning from Thanksgiving in Chicago on a four-hour flight into LAX. We had finally landed around 11:00 pm and is Matt is prone to do, he immediately pulled out his phone and turned it on. I always give him the side eye for this because I feel he does it before the lady says it’s okay to turn on electronic devices, and then I berate him for not being able to just sit, take in his surroundings and passenger people watch (as I do), rather than have his nose in his phone.

Thank God he turned on his phone.

The first text he received was from a friend that said, “Call ASAP. 911”. Unusual. Strange. We looked at each other and thought maybe something could be going on with her husband.

I quickly turned on my phone to a text from my brother that said, “Call me when the dust settles.” I’m like, “What dust?”

The next text careened us into a vortex of which we have not fully emerged nearly two weeks later.

Now, we all react to things differently, right? We are different people and that’s what makes us tick in this world. Remember this as you read on.

My brother’s next text said “Tina has been shot.” Tina?! My breath got caught in my throat, my stomach dropped, I slumped forward in my chair with my head smashed against the scratchy seat in front of me and I wanted to throw up. Matt cradled me and we were in “Oh my God” mode on repeat while trapped by all the passenger people.

The next text was, “And your dog Vivian is missing.”

When I tell you Matt read that and jolted backward in his chair and ricocheted off it and nearly fell in the aisle, I’m not fully exaggerating.

I stared at him like he had two heads.

If you’ve ever done the 21-Day Abundance thing, then you know it’s full of all these exercises that get you to a place of gratitude toward all the feels about yourself to help you realize how amazing you are so that you can go out into the world and start killing it. One of the exercises teaches you to not judge others. Because when you judge, you’re not in a loving place of compassion but in a rude place of lack.

I was trying really hard not to do that because my guy and I are two unique beings in the cosmos trying to live our best life but I couldn’t help myself so I yelled, “Matthew! Calm down!”

He didn’t.

We couldn’t get off that plane fast enough and once in the open terminal, I pulled to the side with my suitcase and started to hyperventilate. Because while trapped in the plane, I was literally constricted to keep it together and I was focused on trying to calm Matt, but once I was in open space, panic had room to swell and it hit me hard. I lost it. So while Matt was swirling around like he was possessed, trying to communicate on the phone with his sister who was in town from Colorado to visit us and was picking us up, I was doubled over the handle of my suitcase unable to breathe. We were a mess.

Somehow we made it outside to the car and the three of us sped (as best you can in LA traffic) 30 minutes downtown to where the incident had occurred.

Even in chaos, the universe acts in mysterious ways.

My friend Tina is a goddess of light, and once again, I’m not exaggerating. So, when I received another text from Crescent that said not to come to the hospital because the waiting room was AT CAPACITY of all our friends who were there to support her, it was a blessing because otherwise I would have had to make a Sophie’s Choice of do I go to the hospital to support my friend who’s been shot or support my fiance’ and our dog who was now lost for five hours, alone in the dark in the big bad jungle that is Downtown LA?

And thus began our search for little Vivian.

For seven full days she was missing. We did everything we were told to do in order to find her. Flyers. Flyers in English and Spanish. Flyers in plastic sheathes so they don’t get ruined. Go to the shelters – every day. Post on NextDoor, post on PawBoost, post in Facebook Groups in Downtown LA, in Lost to Found, in friend groups. Post on Craigslist. Talk to the homeless. Make a scent trail. (That was the hardest because Vivian was lost in a neighborhood unfamiliar to her and in a place that was industrial, transient, collegiate and corporate. Anything but single-family residential. There was no, “Make sure you put her bedding outside in your yard so she can smell her way back home.” There was no yard. But we tried. During one day that we walked we tied ripped-up pieces of Matt’s t-shirt to parking lot fence railings and street lamp bases hoping her little nose would find the strips and lead her back to Tina’s place, the last place she’d known as home.)

We were out for twelve hours the first day and eight the second and posted nearly 100 flyers. Matt’s FitBit thing said we walked almost fifteen miles. Matt’s sister was there right along with us. A dog mom and a human child mom, she not only knew what we were going through emotionally, she also knew time was of the essence and she spent her entire two days of visiting us out in the streets of LA seeing the muck of the city rather than any of its tarnished glitz.

I visited Tina on the second day and once I saw her face and heard her voice, I knew she was going to be ok. Because she believed it to be so.

We got our first real break on Day 2 which came in the form of a 10:30 pm call from Harvey, a car salesman at the Kia dealership on Figueroa. He was with a customer and had seen Vivi dash across Figueroa, red leash in tact. Thanks to flyers posted outside his job, he called immediately. That night we jumped out of bed, drove the 20 minutes from our flat in North Hollywood to where he saw her and walked the streets calling her name until 1:00 am.

We came home with nothing but more anxiety and sadness.

On Day 3 we hit the streets again. This time focusing on the homeless population; we knew the homeless had their eyes and ears to the street, quite literally…someone had to have seen her! It’s already in my nature to see people who are invisible to others, so it wasn’t a huge stretch to step into the sphere of someone’s street home to ask for help. Yet, I felt a bit of a hypocrite approaching people because I needed something, rather than the other way around.

We went up and down the encampments between 17th & Figueroa up to 23rd & Main, calling out hello to those who would answer and handing out flyers to those who’d pop their heads out to accept.

At the St. Francis Shelter for homeless and low income, on a block full of tents and make-shift shelters, we came upon a woman waiting for services. She was taller than me, black, about 20 or 30 years old and had a truly wonderful smile on her face. She told us, “I just got some good news today.” I took a moment to assess where she might go with this, and if she was on my side of crazy or her own and once I determined I could engage, I did. I said, “Oh, that’s great!” and smiled the smile you make when you want the person to tell you more, but you don’t want to intrude. She continued, “I just found out I’m pregnant!”

I swear to you the wind was punched out of me same as if she’d suckered me with her fist. I disappeared and pulled the emergency rip cord on my Hyper Peppy-Peppur Doll and she took over like Chatty Cathy.  I watched myself give her a hug and ask all the questions you’d ask anyone else, “Did you know? Could you feel it?” (Yes!) “How’d you find out?” (Clinic around the corner). “Is your guy happy about it too?” (Yes! He’s right there.) She pointed to a guy waiting for her in the street and said he was her boyfriend. There were two guys waiting, one in some kind of a wheel chair and one not. I asked, “Is he happy about it?” She nodded yes and Hyper Peppy-Peppur Doll promptly strode over to the guy not in the chair and shook his hands in congratulations. If I’d a had a cigar, I woulda given it to him.

Matt and I handed off our Vivian Lost Dog flyer and left. As we walked away, the doll deflated, the smile I’d plastered on my face melted off and a burst of sadness howled from me. I don’t have to tell you what I was thinking about that girl, because you’re thinking it too (how, what, when, where, why?!?).  But I was also was jealous. I was mad it wasn’t me. I didn’t understand. And then I … I had to stop myself.

Matt gently asked, “Are you alright?”

I wasn’t. I couldn’t look him in the eye. I didn’t want him to see how bad I felt.

I couldn’t stop those initial tears that rushed out, but I did stop myself from continuing. Because, 1) I didn’t have time to spiral; not now. We had a dog to find. 2) Did it really make sense for me to be upset? NO. I was going to a pain that was familiar and pain can often feel good, like for those who cut themselves. I lived in that pain for most of 2018. I didn’t need it anymore, so I chose to be happy for that young woman (like Deepak taught me) and then I had to swipe her from my mind (like my therapist taught me). I don’t usually do that to people, but this one needed a swift swipe right. She had her own life to live, and I had mine.

By Day 4, I was exhausted. We’d received a sort of ransom call from some Deep Throat guy that said we’d better negotiate a good reward or he’d keep the dog. (False). We’d had a hugely hopeful lost-dog photo match on an app that had us rushing to the Lacy Street shelter only to go through the kennels in the soaking rain to find out the dog that looked like Vivian online was in fact a male. Besides the ransom call, we’d heard nothing which meant she was dead in the street or someone had her. Either scenario meant we didn’t.

Matt needed to keep active. To keep putting up posters. To keep searching online. After that terrible, horrible, no good, very bad shelter let down on Day 4 ,I told him we’d done enough for the day and I needed to go home. He told me later that he couldn’t believe I was giving up. He resented that I wouldn’t do more for Vivi. I explained that repeatedly searching wasn’t helping me. I needed space to think. Space to mediate. Space to imagine. Space to visualize her running down the sidewalk to us.

I focused my energy on Vivian returning, Matt’s mind’s eye could only focus on her cold and dead in the street. We were Ying against Yang, night and day, hot and cold, black and white. Real.

Matt became unrecognizable. Or, his energy was. He would falter between moments of extreme grief to panicked despair. All with wrecking effects to my mid-western guy.

Around Day 5 or 6, I told him that I didn’t know who he was. I shouldn’t have said that. That hurt his feelings. Years ago when I told my dad he seemed like a shell of himself while he was going through a hard time, I should’ve learned my lesson to choose better words or keep them to myself. What dad heard me say was that I thought he was a shell of a man. Two very different things, but my words bit into him hard like that time when our other dog, Molly (a pit mix), chomped at my face when I tried to take her bone away. Dad hasn’t really forgiven me and it has easily been 10 years. Hopefully Matt will take less time.

Trauma, and for us, this was our own trauma, affects us all very differently. While Tina was going through her own trauma of being shot, I knew she had a tribe to support her. Matthew had only me — as he should, because we’re a team. And I’m not sure I was there for him in the way he needed, quite honestly. I wasn’t expecting him to be Thor and to sort of be this manly man in the face of pain, but I also wasn’t expecting him do what I interpreted as come undone. Matt usually isn’t one to show any emotion, (hardly ever), so to see this guy in the state that he was, was jarring. Therefore, I was left standing in the bedroom, staring at a stranger, and not being helpful. But I started to understand what was lying beneath.

Tina’s one-woman show last year. She was in the process of writing the second one and then this happened. She says, “I have SO much more to say now!!” #getready

Tina and I are friends and spiritual sisters because we believe in the moon and the stars and the powers above. We believe in good energy, karma and positive thinking. We both reject the negative. She is on a constant spiritual journey and I am constantly seeking the good in people and things. We see cosmic signs in everything, from a tangled string in the street to a receipt totally $3.33 (because three is a FANTASTIC number; I have two brothers and the three of us make the perfect Zodiac trifecta of Scorpio, Pisces and Cancer. When I see a three, I have immediate comfort because I think of my brothers and that fills me with love and a moment of peace.)

This kind of stuff — along with whatever spiritual faith you have, carries you. It holds you UP in times like these when you truly feel like you are out of control drowning in a dirty river of mucky water pulled into a bottomless LA drain.

I’m not saying I was the pillar of strength through all of this, but I had a dreamy well from which to draw and Matt, who is a die-hard realist, had reality. And reality was sucking pretty hard.

Matt and I are very different people. I learned I had to respect his process and not compare it to my own. I learned he loves our dogs. I love them too, but he loves them in a way that is connected to his soul and it was literally ripped out when he learned Vivian was gone. I learned my faith and belief system are strong and that this strength was something Matt is beginning to learn. I’m learning to be more vulnerable and open to other’s responses to grief, which make me uncomfortable.

Our amazing dog trainer, Adriana Barnes, who is a very spiritual woman and a dog whisperer joined us on our search. She lives forty-five minutes away and spent an entire day with us looking for Vivian. She is a believer too and we bonded over this knowledge that something else holds us and that through pain we grow. We knew all of this was happening to prepare us for something greater (she thinks for the two-legged family we will have one day). On Day 7, it was Adriana who helped us find and retrieve Vivian from a young homeless man (whom we hope we can help).  She was found only a few blocks from where we had been searching, but where we hadn’t. Matt tells the full story here and here (why we now call her “Viv the Shiv”).

Our Heroes. Adriana and the young man who found and returned Vivian.

With lovely, smelly!, scared Vivian in our arms, our first stop was to Harvey at Kia. We wanted to thank him, because without him, we would have been really lost. We then took her home and after the vet for a few stitches and a day to recover, we took Vivian around to all the Downtown folks we met who helped us along the way. To say Thanks for their help and thanks for believing.

This is A. Phillip of Fashion Service Group – 1837 S. Main Street. 626,979.4614. He MAKES patterns. Want to start a fashion line? He’s the guy!

  This is Kofi of Coffee by Kofi The Reef | LA Mart, 1933 S Broadway. Coffee is bomb and he also designs coasters and the tie he’s wearing out of fab buttons! https://www.coffeebykofi.com/ (He’s from Ghana. My new brother! #ancestry.com)

Cynthia loves makeup and lashes, so we brought her some.

JR is the MAN. We call him the Mayor of Main Street.

Cynthia loves makeup and lashes, so we brought her some.

JR is the MAN. We call him the Mayor of Main Street.

Cynthia loves makeup and eyelashes, so we brought her an early Christmas present. This is not the end of our friendship. If you’d like to help these guys, message me. 

JR is the MAN. We call him the Mayor of Main Street.

Last things: I want to pay it forward and pay it back. If you want to help out our friends, message me. We have ideas and we’ll need your help.

Matt will start volunteering at the Lacy Street shelter and I will start volunteering at LATTC (helped us too) in their foster care department.

Thank you to Deonna, Carl, Tanya & Dodger, Karimah and Morenike + Kids & Maxie for driving, walking and biking around the neighborhood to look for Vivian. I’ll never forget your kindness.

Keep Tina in your healing prayers. Send every shade and beam of light that you can. She will receive it.

That’s all, for now.

  #gratitude

When gratitude comes wagging I was in the midst of finishing a Deepak Chopra 21-Day Abundance Meditation Challenge my friend Tanya started, when a bit of tragedy struck.

[bowlsister75-blog]

The Best Shows On Hulu Right Now, Ranked

Warner Brothers

Last Updated: October 16th

As many different services vie for your attention, Hulu has really upped the ante in terms of its streaming catalog. While the service may have gotten rid of its free content, there are more than a few reasons to stick with it. So here are the 30 best shows on Hulu right now, ranked. For a list of the best shows on Hulu with an emphasis on current series, we’ve also got you covered.

Related: The Best Movies On Hulu Right Now, Ranked

FX

1. Fargo

3 seasons, 30 episodes | IMDb: 9/10

The announcement that the relatively unknown producer Noah Hawley would be turning the classic film Fargo into an anthology series, it was met with a healthy dose of skepticism. However, by the end of the first episode, fans were hooked. Instead of a rote retelling of the classic crime tale, viewers were treated to a top-notch cast, shocking violence, incredible character names, and stunning visuals. While honoring the legacy of the original film in the details, Fargo managed to become a unique and essential addition to the current television landscape.

NBC

2. Parks and Recreation

7 seasons, 123 episodes | IMDb: 8.6/10

There simply isn’t a better show to binge watch when you need a pick me up than Parks and Recreation. Hilarious, smart, and relentlessly sunny, Parks and Recreation is a balm to weary viewers. Amy Poehler’s Leslie Knope has joined the ranks of television icons, but the supporting cast is no less wonderful. If you’re looking for a show about good people trying to do good things while making good jokes, Parks and Recreation will be your new favorite show. While the first season feels a bit too much like a riff on The Office, it finds its feet in season two and never lets up. While so much of today’s comedy is mired in cynicism, Parks and Recreation will make you want to do better. It also gets better with each rewatch, so pour yourself some Snake Juice and enjoy.

Getty Image

3. 30 Rock

7 seasons, 138 episodes | IMDb: 8.2/10

Few shows have as many jokes per minute as 30 Rock. The brainchild of Tina Fey, 30 Rock shows the daily madness of an SNL-like variety show, which Fey’s Liz Lemon at the helm. As she tries (sometimes failing) to wrangle her writers and her actors (Tracy Morgan and Jane Krakowski), Lemon also attempts the ever elusive dream of “having it all.” Her quest will feel very, very familiar to viewers, particularly women, as they try and balance, work, life, love, and even a small bit of success. With Alec Baldwin turning in his best performance to date (come at me, Glengarry Glen Ross fans) as Jack Donaghy, Lemon’s boss, mentor, and eventual friend, 30 Rock has the perfect blend of weirdness, sharp writing, and genuine laughs that will make it a favorite for years to come.

Hulu

4. The Handmaid’s Tale

2 seasons, 20 episodes | IMDb: 8.6/10

Although Margaret Atwood’s novel was published back in 1985, the series premiere in 2017 still felt relevant as hell (and earned it a spot among our best TV shows of 2017 list). America as we know it is no more, taken over by a Christian fundamentalist organization and newly christened Gilead. However, things are not as idyllic as the name would suggest, as women are no longer allowed to have jobs, rights, hold property, or have any sort of agency. Instead they are either handmaids, a select few still-fertile women who are essentially used as broodmares for powerful men, and Marthas, who work in the rich households. Elisabeth Moss turns in a strong performance as Ofglen, the titular handmaid who is trying to survive and escape to her fugitive family, but Alexis Bledel steals the show in a devastating supporting turn. The Handmaid’s Tale grabs viewers by the face and demands that they keep watching from the get-go, but prepare to get a little angry as the series progresses.

Castle Rock

5. Seinfeld

9 seasons, 171 episodes | IMDb: 8.9/10

For a show about nothing, Seinfeld has left a cultural imprint that few shows can boast of achieving. Back before shows about neurotic people were the latest trend, Jerry Seinfeld blended his own neuroses with his stand up act, creating a New York landscape that many could relate to. With stories based on the minutiae of relationships and every day living, Seinfeld embedded itself in the cultural zeitgeist like few shows have done. Even if you’ve never seen an episode, you still know about the Soup Nazi and Newman. Plus, Veep fans will enjoy seeing a pre-presidential Julia Louis-Dreyfus as the hilariously frazzled Elaine Benes. If you’ve been meaning to watch the show that has made people laugh for decades, Hulu has you covered.

Warner Brothers

6. Buffy the Vampire Slayer

7 seasons, 144 episodes | IMDb: 8.2/10

Joss Whedon has gone on to giant blockbusters since his days on The WB, but Buffy the Vampire Slayer will forever be his magnum opus. Buffy offered the perfect blend of horror, comedy, and feels, with episodes and characters that have stuck with viewers for years. Sarah Michelle Gellar’s titular slayer perfectly balanced the ordinary pains of growing up against the extraordinary and supernatural circumstances that come with living on a Hellmouth. The clothing and catchphrases might be deeply rooted in the ’90s, but the themes are timeless. Even if you don’t know your standard demon curse from an ancient rune, Buffy is essential. It’ll rip your heart out, but you’ll like it anyway.

NBC

7. Community

6 seasons, 110 episodes | IMDb: 8.5/10

Has there ever been a sitcom as downright clever as Community? Aside from the gas leak year, Community was quicker than nearly every other comedy out there, with jokes flying fast but also taking seasons to reach a punchline. After getting caught with a phony degree, former lawyer Jeff Winger (Joel McHale) heads to Greendale Community College to get a legitimate degree. There he gets into increasingly hilarious hijinks with his Spanish study group. Between paintball wars, zombie outbreaks, and the increasingly ridiculous presence of Senor Chang (Ken Jeong), Community is never, ever boring. Quit living in the darkest timeline and get to watching.

Source: https://uproxx.com/tv/best-shows-on-hulu-right-now-ranked-2018/